Why we’re talking about menopause too late!

We’ve been taught to think of menopause as something that happens to women in their 50s, a later-life issue we’ll deal with when the time comes. But for many women, it’s already happening in their 40s, and for some, the transition begins even earlier. Which means women in their 30s may already be navigating perimenopause (and its many symptoms), often without the awareness, language, or support, which ultimately leaves them questioning what’s happening to them and who they are, because no one is openly talking about it. 

This article invites us all to rethink not just when menopause begins, but how we understand it; opening up a greater awareness of its more commonly earlier onset, and exploring the emotional, identity, and professional impact it can have, one we are still not preparing women, or the world around them for, early enough. By continuing to talk about it too late, we are leaving women unprepared, unsupported, and too often believing they are the problem, rather than recognising the transition they are in.

The Problem

When we talk about menopause as something that happens later in life, something you just manage or “get through”, and importantly, something women normally deal with in their 50s, we unintentionally alienate many women who are already experiencing symptoms in their 40s, and in some cases even earlier. We know the transition leading up to menopause - perimenopause - can be unfolding for years without awareness, language, or support to navigate its many symptoms, leaving women feeling confused and uncertain about what is happening to them and how to navigate life accordingly. Women in their 30s and 40s, often at the height of building careers, raising or trying for families, and making major life decisions, can begin to feel extremely unlike themselves, experiencing a mix of physical, emotional, and cognitive symptoms they don’t fully understand.

Because we’ve been taught - and often told! - this isn’t supposed to be happening yet, many women don’t recognise it for what it is. Instead, they question themselves, pushing harder, doubting their capabilities, and seeking support for anxiety or low mood without understanding the wider context. For some, this becomes deeply overwhelming, affecting confidence, relationships, and their sense of self. And all of this is happening while life continues to demand more. The real issue isn’t just the symptoms. It’s that women - and society - are simply not prepared enough for this phase of life to be happening earlier, leaving many to navigate it alone and in silence, believing they are the problem rather than recognising the transition they are in.

What this often looks like in real life is far more complex than we’ve been led to believe. Women don’t just experience physical symptoms, they can experience a profound shift in how they feel within themselves. A loss of confidence, emotional unpredictability and depression, brain fog, insomnia, moments where they question who they are and what they’re worth. Women don’t just feel hormonal, they can feel like they’re losing themselves in every way.

And what’s often missed is how deeply this can affect a woman’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Many experience increased anxiety, low mood, and a growing sense of disconnection from who they are. Because this transition isn’t openly talked about, women often internalise the struggle rather than recognising it. Research also shows that women may experience an increase in mental health challenges during this stage of life, and in some cases this includes a heightened risk of suicide, particularly when women feel unsupported, unheard, or don’t understand what’s happening to them. 

This isn’t just a biological shift, it’s an emotional and identity disruption happening in silence, sometimes over many years. This is about women in their 30s and 40s quietly questioning their sanity, their identity, and their worth in a world that hasn’t prepared them for what’s happening. And when that struggle is invisible, unsupported, and internalised, it doesn’t just affect individuals, it affects workplaces, relationships, and the way women see their place in the world.

My Personal Story

This isn’t just something I’ve researched or observed in other women, this is also something I am living. Over the last few years, but especially during the last twelve months, I have experienced the kind of emotional and psychological struggle I never expected hormones could create. The insomnia, the anxiety, the complete disappearance of my self-worth, confidence, and sense of identity have been crippling. There were moments where even my reasons for wanting to stay alive felt lost beneath the weight of what was happening in my mind and body. And perhaps one of the most confusing parts was that I didn’t even fully recognise what was happening at first. At the age of 41, I was diagnosed as going through early menopause.

For years I had already been navigating endometriosis and the complicated relationship many women have with hormonal treatment and pain management around such conditions. I had been prescribed synthetic hormones for so long that I genuinely didn’t know whether what I was experiencing was connected to my existing health journey, my mental health, or the beginning of perimenopause itself. And I know I’m not alone in that confusion. So many women are trying to piece together symptoms, changes, and emotional struggles without a clear understanding of what is actually happening within their bodies.

There was also another layer to this for me personally, the reality of not having my own children. While many women entering this stage of life are juggling motherhood alongside hormonal change, others are carrying grief, questions around fertility, or the emotional complexity of a life that hasn’t unfolded in the way they once imagined. This was certainly part of my experience. Menopause and perimenopause don’t happen in isolation from the rest of our story. They intersect with identity, loss, relationships, purpose, and the deeply personal narratives we carry about womanhood and ourselves.

And yet life was still continuing around me. I was still trying to function, keep everything going, and be the person everyone expected and needed me to be, while internally my world had become a very dark and frightening place to live. But deep down, underneath the noise of it all, I always knew this wasn’t truly who I was. Before this transition began, I had already done years of inner personal work. I had built a grounded sense of who I was, understood my values, and created a strong support system around me; people I could speak honestly to, who could remind me of who I was on the days I could no longer see it clearly for myself. 

That support mattered more than I can fully express. Because women do not come through this transition stronger by suffering silently or simply “pushing through”. They come through it stronger when they feel informed, understood, supported, and safe enough to talk openly about what they are experiencing. And that is why these conversations matter so deeply to me, because no woman should have to reach breaking point before discovering she was never broken in the first place.

 The Core Reframe

So if we step back, what becomes clear is this: menopause isn’t just a biological transition, it’s an identity shift, happening earlier than we’ve been told, in a world that isn’t preparing us for it. And when we don’t understand that, we don’t just misunderstand menopause, we misunderstand women. Because the problem isn’t menopause. The problem is the silence around it, the delay in the conversation, and the lack of awareness at the stage women actually need it.

So what if we changed that? What if we stopped treating menopause as something to deal with later, and started preparing women for it earlier? What if women in their 30s and 40s understood what was happening in their bodies so they didn’t question their minds? What if workplaces recognised this transition not as a weakness, but as something to support? And what if emotional and psychological changes were normalised so women didn’t feel like they were crazy or falling apart, but instead understood they were moving through something very real, valid, and shared? Because when women understand what’s happening to them - and around them - they no longer have to feel broken and alone. They deserve to feel informed, supported, and more able to stay connected to who they are.

The Solution

What would it look like if we didn’t wait until women were already struggling, but were actually prepared for this transition earlier? It starts with awareness; not fear, but understanding. 

Recognising that perimenopause can begin years (sometimes a full decade) before menopause, is key, and that the emotional and cognitive shifts women experience are not a personal failure, but part of a wider transition. Because when women understand what’s happening, they stop blaming themselves. But awareness alone isn’t enough. 

Women also need a strong internal foundation; knowing their needs, living in alignment with their values, and having a clear sense of identity beyond the roles they hold. Because when hormones shift, anything built on survival begins to crumble. But anything built on self-awareness and self-trust becomes a life saving anchor. 

Finally, we cannot expect women to navigate this alone. This requires a wider cultural shift, where workplaces are informed, conversations are normalised, and support exists earlier, not just when women reach crisis point. Because preparing women for menopause shouldn’t be an afterthought, it should be part of how we support each other to live, work, and thrive.

And perhaps what this really asks of us is this. To open our minds to a transition we’ve misunderstood and potentially ignored for too long, and to start seeing, supporting, and speaking about the impact of early menopause in a way that truly reflects the lives of the women who are living it.

Menopause isn’t just something that happens to women later in life. It’s a transition that begins earlier, runs deeper, and touches far more of a woman’s life than we’ve understood or been willing to acknowledge. And while preparing women earlier is part of the solution, it isn’t the whole picture. We also need to prepare the world around them, to build awareness, to open up conversations, and to create environments where women feel understood and supported, not judged or silenced. Because this doesn’t just happen in isolation. It shows up in our workplaces, within our families, and across our communities.

When we prepare both women and society, we don’t just help women cope, we change the way they move through this transition entirely. We have the power collectively to replace confusion with understanding, silence with conversation, and self-doubt with support. And perhaps that’s the real shift we’re being asked to make, not just to rethink menopause, but to open our minds, speak more honestly, and ensure that no woman ever has to navigate this part of her life feeling alone, unseen, or unprepared. Menopause isn’t the problem. The silence around it is. And it’s time we changed that.